Anyway..... I keep reading and reading and reading. This is what I do when I am distressed. I read books. Just finished "In Sheeps Clothing".by George Simon. I read Internet forums. I read articles. I post things here and there. I need to post more. I am drawn to this forum, I keep coming back to it- I am somehow getting a sense of peace from reading your stories. I can't fully understand why but I think it has something to do with the fact that I am trying to re-establish my internal balance and readjust my lens on humanity back to the belief that we have the capacity to be honest with each other about our needs and desires. Holy run on sentence batman. Hope you guys can dig through the wahh wahh poor me and kinda understand what I'm trying to say.
I have been reading some other Internet forums too but they are just pissing me off and depressing me. One is just a bunch of bitter divorced women on an infidelity board and one is a general relationship forum. Lol.
I just want to get on with my life. I feel like I am living with a science experiment. An alien from outer space. I really care about this guy and want the best for him but who the hell is he? A sex addict? What is that? I'm supposed to go to a COSA support group tomorrow night? I'm going to go but it's more out of morbid curiosity at this point than anything else. I feel very detached.
I feel like the last three years have been a collosal waste of time. Then I feel like I have learned from them so it's ok. Then I feel hopeful that he can learn how to be a human being in these sex addict classes, then that makes me crack up at the absurdity of my own thoughts, then I think- its Monday, I should do some work. Then I wish I had someone to talk to. Then I think the only correct thought I should be having is PACK your SHIT and GO. Stop wasting time.
Oh yeah but it's my house. I signed the lease on my own. So I have to kick him and his dog out. He pays rent to me. He pays more than his fair share and mows the lawn and fixes things does trash and all that. He's not a freeloader.