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Old 07-01-2013, 01:18 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by Amnati View Post
(although they fuck at least four times per visit, which is way more attention than I get during the rest of the week)... I think part of his problem is that he is unemployed (looking for a job) and his fiancée is studying for her PhD. So he has all the time in the world to obsess about my wife... they googly eyed at each other all night without some much of a glance at me... I'm going to leave you here with the little man even longer so I can keep getting my brains fucked out even longer
You seem like you're trying to be rational but this garbage is not going to help you get there.

While this is kind of advanced stuff (deep end), I recommend getting a handle on this sooner rather than later. You need to separate what it is you want out of your relationship from what they are getting out of their relationship. Meaning: how many times they have sex should optimally not even be a blip on your radar, but if *you* want more sex with her then I suggest you hire a sitter, put on some Al Green, and practice your sensual massage techniques. Whatever it takes... but *their* relationship is *their* issue, you focus on what it is that *you* want and own it.

The hard truth of the thing is that she does not exist to sate your desires, nor does she exist to make sure you feel emotionally valued. This is your job.

Originally Posted by Amnati View Post
Next week may even be a two day weekend for them as I don't have my stupid D&D group meeting. It feels like she is saying, "here hubby, since you don't have your one distraction this week I'm going steal more of your time. Thanks." NRE sucks monkey balls and it is making me reconsider this poly stuff, and it has only been a goddamn month.
"Polyamory" is not what is allowing your time to be dictated for you; that is your being passive. If you don't want your time which was scheduled for whatever to be scrapped because the whatever got cancelled then you need to speak up. Use your words... it's your time and you get to decide what is done with it. But... BUT... this is only an adult step if you are doing it to preserve authority over your own time and NOT because you're trying to deny them another date.

This comes back to what I was saying before, you need to work on being able to determine where you end and everyone else begins. You get authority over everything within the 'you' bubble and need to learn to let everyone else deal with their own area of authority. Your sex drive and emotional state are in the 'you' bubble, for the sake of clarity.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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