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Old 07-01-2013, 02:19 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by SummerAle View Post
Dagferi-- We feel better sharing at this point but we shall see. I may come a knockin' on your door with more questions in the future...
When you say "sharing" here I presume this is referring to you two having conversations about what is going on and not keeping it a secret from each other.

If I read that correctly, there is a big difference between "minding my own business" and having a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" arrangement. What minding my own business means is, taking responsibility for my feelings and actions and staying hands off with how my partner deals with theirs. It doesn't mean that I should not have curiosity or input when it is appropriate - I'm just not taking on what is going on in someone elses relationship as "mine".

I'm with Dagferi 100% on this one, you guys should feel free to "share" whatever information everyone is comfortable with - just don't get confused about which relationship is yours (Hint: it's the one you are in) and to let everyone else manage/worry/deal with their own... mind your own business.

Originally Posted by SummerAle View Post
Our current situation has become tricky around special events for example-- who is invited, in what order if the other person can't or doesn't want to go, etc. .
Don't let yourself get distracted into thinking that because you are non-monogamous, somehow relating to other humans is now some new and exciting social experiment. These are still people whom you love and want to experience certain things with... don't get bogged down by the whole "romantic partner" thing.

Invite the person who you enjoy taking to the type of event, this includes your partners, friends, family. Think of it like you have a big group of close friends who are all fully functional adults; who would you invite to which sorts of events? If there is a negligible difference between who would be the most fun to go with then invite the one you didn't go with last time.

This isn't a problem, btw. "I have so many loved ones and a full social life"... everyone should be lucky enough to have these problems
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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