The kinky camping trip with Clay was **AMAZING**! You guys, it was just... well, I'll be posting about it on tumblr shortly if you want details. For the purposes of this blog, suffice to say that I'd been worried that I'd feel weird/ jealous, knowing that I'd meet several of his play partners there, and I didn't feel that way at all. We spent a lot of time focused on each other, and when he engaged with others I was interested and happy for them. I personally didn't seek out anyone else, because I just didn't feel motivated to do so.
We spent 48 hours straight almost entirely in each other's company, slept two nights beside each other, shared a bunch of intense, interesting experiences, and spent a lot of time relaxing together. *siiiigh* Sooo nice.
We're talking at least a little every day right now. I feel very loved and appreciated by him. I don't imagine he could avoid feeling the same from me.
Davis and I are reconnecting. We had slowly been becoming more affectionate in each others presence. Then he came out to see a show I was in on Friday, and afterwards invited me back to his place. I was hesitant -- were we just falling back into old patterns because they're easy and comfortable without examining them enough? But he said, very simply, that it was what he wanted, and I wanted it too. It felt very warm and right to be cuddled up with him again. When things turned hot and heavy, we got each other off with our mouths and hands, avoiding the issue of condoms for the time being. We exchanged "I love you's" that felt very real and heartfelt.
In the morning, we talked while lying in bed. He said he'd really enjoyed last night. That he didn't know if or when it would happen again, but at the very least it felt like closure. I started to cry. I had gotten so used to the idea of losing him. I had really accepted it... until the night before. Now, hearing him talk about us still maybe being done, it just hurt. He assured me that he didn't think that would be the case, but that he didn't want to make any promises yet. I feel much calmer thinking about it now. I still very much want him to do what's right for him.