I went through something a teeny bit similar (although not to the same level) when my partner was laid off and he and his OSO got "fun time" quite a bit. Again, my time with him also had to be shared with work, my kids, etc., and I felt extremely envious of the fact that they could just pop off for a bike ride (and that I'd see it on Facebook).
I needed to talk with my partner and make sure he knew that *I* needed that type of time as well. In fact, we looked at the calendar (we had to) and actually PLANNED that time. Despite the lack of spontaneity, it helped show that he was willing to work with me on this, and he understood that I needed time like that too.
Once he re-entered the land of the employed, it was kind of a non-issue, but we found something workable in the meantime.
Good luck - you seem to have a LOT on your plates. You need the downtime with your wife as well.