My boyfriend broke up with me tonight.
I'd wondered if it was coming for quite a while. It's been really confusing - he seems so happy when he's with me, but he treated me pretty badly when he wasn't. I'd been trying to sort our which were my issues that I was overreacting to and which were legitimate complaints. Plus trying not to ask too much when he was going through a lot that was really stressful in his life outside of me. In comparison all my issues are just small change.
In some ways its a relief, in that at least things will finally make sense.
But damn I'm going to miss the good parts. Because I really enjoyed the times when I was with him.
He couldn't be what I really wanted, and I tried to just accept what he could give. I think I'd gotten pretty good about it.
I don't know yet why he ultimately couldn't handle it. Maybe it was the rest of life, and maybe it was me. or maybe he was just done, though it really didn't seem that way when we were together.
We'll talk next week. He's lousy at talking about our relationship, and I've never understood why, though my sense has been that he just doesn't like self-reflection. Plus maybe that he feels bad when he does it, and probably because he doesn't want to hurt me.
I'm probably unrealistic in my hope that now that we've broken up he'll be more able to talk, but that is what I'm hoping.