Thread: Shame and Fear
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Old 06-28-2013, 04:24 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by KingCobra View Post
my snooping was 100% fruitless and my paranoia unfoundef so thats when I came clean
You only came clean because you didn't find any incriminating evidence? Searching through her communications without her permission is the problem.. not what you might have found. That is an absolute disregard for another human beings privacy and is not justifiable in anything resembling a healthy relationship.

It is also explicitly telling your partner that you think they are a deceitful liar and that you don't trust them as far as you can throw them.

THAT is reasoning for not snooping... not the fact that you didn't happen to find any dirt on your romantic partner.

Originally Posted by KingCobra View Post
Basically, the triad situation is what all three of us want and prefer, but i've been encouraging them to figure out what it is that they want their relationship to look like, then we'll figure out where I fit if at all.
Having the hopes of a triad type situation is neither here nor there. The people involved in the relationship will determine the arrangement, not wishful hypotheticals. If the three of you happen to all be romantically involved with each other then you are in a triad... deciding you want a triad and then trying to find other people to jam into those puzzle pieces is the opposite of how relationships work.

It sounds like you guys are going about it the right way so I'd just throw out the end goal of triad if I were you.. it will only put pressure on the relationships and make the outcome less genuine. Let it be what it wants to and you'll be happier.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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