Thanks for the insight everyone. Worrying is unfortunately something I deal with.
Basically, the triad situation is what all three of us want and prefer, but i've been encouraging them to figure out what it is that they want their relationship to look like, then we'll figure out where I fit if at all. At the moment, it's not even a real guarantee that they WILL date (which is why i used the term best friend not girlfriend). There's love but nothing officially decided yet (we're hashing it out in a week and a half when she's up here on vacation).
I have met her, we get along perfectly fine, she was at our wedding, and kept us both sane due to crazy bridesmaids. I think a lot of my issue is just the demotion feeling - as in not the one and only (which I've expressed to both already)
1. To the first time when i read the text, it really was just a stupid move because i knew they'd been roleplaying (like sword sorcery stuff) over text messages and I wanted to read it. Was the first time Id done that. In regards to the IMs, she was open and upfront with me immediately after the May incident and I had lingering trust issues and wanted independant confirmation everything was copacetic (my snooping was 100% fruitless and my paranoia unfoundef so thats when I came clean)
2. Because when theres an emotional upheaval or cheating people in general want that independant confirmation. Kinda like, I don't know, sending a PI to follow your possibly cheating husband. And it wasnt that she was expecting me to snoop more it didnt surprise her
3. Because we'd never had any kind of fight or issue of that sort. Was kinda like up until that point it was a nebulous idea and after that it was a startling reality of "ok what are te actual implications of this"
And that's really it, neither of us had been in this kind of situation before so we were unsure how the other would react when reality came through the wall like the Kool-aid Man
Last edited by KingCobra; 06-28-2013 at 04:16 PM.