Thread: Shame and Fear
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Old 06-28-2013, 03:35 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,526

Welcome to the site.

I am concerned. Why have a goal of sexual threesomes or a triad? You've never even met the gf? How do you know there is any attraction at all?

I am concerned also you inviting her to live with you when it's been a long distance relationship. Can't she move near you, start school, date your wife, meet you, let things go on like that for a year or so til the relationship settles, boundaries are worked out, etc etc.?

we invited her to move in with us and she happily accepted because any relational stress with us by her reckonig would be less stress than where she is now.
That just doesn't sound very encouraging at all.

Moving a lover or metamour in just because of finances, or because, as it sounds here, she's running away from a bad situation in CA, is a really really bad idea. Goes wrong so often. Especially when you're brand new to poly and don't seem to have excellent communication skills on either side in your marriage yet (lying, spying, yuck). I'd not want to be new gf, moving 2000 miles with an uncertain outcome, but tons of NRE. Foolish. Maybe set a boundary, such as, she can "stay" with you for a couple months until she finds her own place, even if it's a small room in a place with roommates. At least she'll have somewhere to go if this thing with your wife and you doesn't work out.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013

Last edited by Magdlyn; 06-28-2013 at 03:58 PM.
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