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Old 06-27-2013, 09:28 PM
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JadeDoor JadeDoor is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 96

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Just want to point out that he is a grown man and made his choice to date someone. He isn't a boy who needs your permission -- he's your partner. You didn't actually "let him" do anything. What you did do, was to accept that he wanted to go on the date, let him know that you were okay with it, and agree with him that your marriage is strong enough that you can support each other having multiple relationships.

The distinction between the two concepts is an important one. One is about ownership and codependency, the other is about partnership and autonomy.
I get what you're saying and take your point. I feel like it's a bit too much about semantics for me, though. Had I not been okay with him going on a date, he would not have done so. I think of it as allowing, but at the same time I don't feel controlling of him, nor him of I. I feel, for me, it's the feelings behind it and the actions, not the words themselves. Words are meaningless without action.

Thank you so much for the rest of your advice too. That's very helpful to know that the FWB is not entirely out of reach. though, knowing my husband and I emotionally like I do, I have a feeling that we won't be sticking to that for long, that relationships will become deeper than that. The woman he's dating is someone he's known a very long time and has a deep connection to. I don't see them NOT falling in love.
--Jade, 31/f
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.
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