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Old 06-27-2013, 06:04 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,603
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This is hard to say, and maybe hard to hear. But I say it with kind intent, ok? Don't go there like this.


I don't know if reading this could help any.

Quote:
I love my husband and have such a great bond and connection. However, I have cheated multiple times with multiple people and he only knows of one.
Second sentence cancels out "great connection." Could not lie to self about what you have.

Quote:
I do not want to keep secrets from him.

You DO keep secrets from him.
If you don't want to do that anymore, could stop it.

Quote:
I want to explore an open marriage and jut don't know how to bring up the subject.
Could open mouth or write letter or use other medium to say:

I would like to talk about exploring open marriage with you.

I would like to know if you are willing to participate in some open relationship model of some kind with me or not.

If willing, I would like to talk more with you to assess if we are even ABLE to execute that plan.
I'd like to talk and determine if we each have the skills required to do the HOW. To practice it well if we decide to go there.
And determine WHEN would be the best time to go there.

Are you up for having those kinds of talks with me?


Quote:
I guess I just want to know if I'm way out in left field or not.
If you want to know something only he can answer, you could ASK HIM.

For just YOU? What skills would currently bring to this future open marriage idea?

INTERPERSONAL:
  • At this time, you do not practice full communication/honesty with your current partner. Could improve that.
  • At this time you currently cheat/cheated in past (not sure what it is). Could resolve that.
  • Could decide to practice radical honesty and authenticity in your relationships -- Including your relationship to yourself.
  • You hint around rather than be assertive/direct when trying to communicate with spouse. (the thing about him meeting that woman for drinks.) Could learn to be more assertive and learn to have/hear hard convo. Polyshipping has plenty opportunities for that! Can't do it yet? Could learn.

INTRAPERSONAL:
  • You lie to yourself when you say "I love my husband" and then do less than loving/kind behavior toward him with cheating and lies of omission. Could work on "talk" and "walk" matching better.
  • You lie to yourself when you say you and spouse have a "great bond and connection" when your communication/honesty is weak between you.
  • Could work on not lying to self. It is not self-respecting behavior.
  • Could work on becoming a person of your word.

You could get yourself sorted out before attempting to build something NEW with your husband. Then when you have yourself better together, could ASK him for his willing/able to talk about opening the marriage.

And then NOT rush to open it but spend some time reading resources.

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html
http://www.serolynne.com/polyamory.htm
http://www.kathylabriola.com/articles
http://openingup.net/resources/free-...om-opening-up/
http://www.morethantwo.com/

And since you have shared children, before you decide to go there IF you go there? Could draw up your divorce papers and custody papers NOW, notorize, and safety deposit box a copy for each of you.

Because if you cannot talk about it before going there? You don't want to be talking if/when it explodes and end up in bigger mess fighting over children.

If you can't talk about it now when things are "good" between you, could stop to wonder why not.

I would hope your polyshipping experiences are lovely ones -- could align your conduct to increase the odds of that happening.

But going forward like this? You'd be flying wonky.

Could not fly like that.

My 2 cents,
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-28-2013 at 12:15 AM.
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