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Old 06-27-2013, 01:04 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,218

I'm not poly, but my partner is, so my "white picket fence" ideal has been changing over the last couple years, probably to the point where I don't know what my ideal would be anymore.

After my divorce, I would have eagerly jumped full-bore into another marriage and gone full picket fence, mixed finances/assets, etc., but it seems in hindsight that I didn't really know how to define MYSELF and what I really wanted outside of a particular role (wife).

Now? I'm not keen on the idea of mixing finances or assets. Especially since I purchased my own house post-divorce and don't want to have to lose that for ANYONE.

My retirement ideal would be to move to the city. I consider Boston "my city" but honestly, anywhere urban with a nice public transportation system and some good culture is a good target. If my partner and any of his partners at that time are interested in doing the same, maybe we could all live nearby and save ourselves the drive (and save the other young whippersnappers from us old folk driving and yelling at the "Road Hogs" in our way). Since I have no idea where the future will take us at this point, I'm not hung up on it happening, though.

tl;dr - post-divorce, this is all in flux. No idea what my fences look like anymore, and I'm not sure I'll know until I'm there.

As an aside, this is the one thing that scared the poop out of me, as a newly-divorced mono chick going into a poly relationship - what the HELL is my future going to look like? What can I count on? It doesn't follow the script! Well, apparently neither did my marriage, so even though I had a script, it didn't mean much of a damn. I'm finally (about two years in) getting comfortable with the idea of there being no script, and I don't even really think much about where we'll be in the future. We may still be right where we are now, and that's not a bad thing - it doesn't mean we're "stagnant", and that took some time to realize.

Last edited by YouAreHere; 06-27-2013 at 01:09 PM. Reason: Had another thought...
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