Hello all, thanks for input and your sympathies.
I just spent some time out camping with a friend, away from the internets, the wife, and all other things. It was a very good experience for me...finding that it helps a great deal to step away from "normal life" so that I am not bombarded with the feelings of "wish you were here".
So I agree with what many have said...trying to decide whether I want to remain poly at this point is not a priority. The priority is picking up the pieces and getting my life back in order. I shouldn't be trying to start up another relationship right now anyway. My life is in such an upheavel right now, I'm not exactly sure which direction to turn.
I've truly decided to accept that this is happening. I've also decided that it is best that I don't see my wife for the time being, as it is so painful to see her when we have such different feelings for each other and I will inexplicably attempt to get her to reconsider (which she gets upset over as she has no interest). This is a very difficult thing to accomplish as we have a child together AND we own a business together. So we communicate daily, but I haven't seen her since Sunday.
I am glad that someone else pointed out Marcus' rash statements towards me. It seemed he had some advice somewhere in there, but it definitely felt like he was attacking me. I mean...dude. My wife just left me, show a little compassion?
To address specifically what you said here, YES I was concerned about the amount of family time we were creating in our household. I tried to create a schedule with her so that my daughter was getting enough time. I was starting to feel like we were 2 single family households living under the same roof, splitting time with our daughter. This was obviously an unhealthy thing for all of us involved. You further act as though I am being overly controlling - look sir, she is my wife, and I saw signs of her putting our family at risk. She was putting her time with BF way above her time with her family. It was a serious concern, and by the end result one can see that it was not handled well at all by her. When I was telling her she needed to spend more time with her family I thought I was telling her what she wanted for herself but was losing sight of because of NRE.
I never thought she would want to replace me. If I would have understood that, I would have handled all of this much differently. I just operated under the assumption that she wouldn't actually want to put her family at risk.