View Single Post
Old 06-27-2013, 03:42 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Even monogamous people choose to be in a relationship or not....and with whom in particular. But you really think you can make yourself be content, emotionally and sexually, with just one person?
"Make myself" content? Like I would have to force contentment on myself?

"With just one person," as if it's a deficit to have "only" one relationship? Sheesh, how sad a statement is that!

All I can say is that it isn't the number of people I am in relationship with that determines my contentment and happiness. That is an inside job, not dependent upon others. And yes, I'd be perfectly happy and content to be in a monogamous relationship with the right someone. If I am happy and content with myself, then why couldn't I be happy and content with "just one" partner in a monogamous relationship, or with multiple partners in polyamorous situations? Furthermore, my being open to polyamory does not mean I need to go around and collect multiple partners just to prove to the world that I can live polyamorously. It just means that I am open to it.

Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
There are plenty of people who consider themselves poly even while single. Are they not legitimate because they aren't "practicing"?
I can't even follow your logic here, as it makes no sense to me. I said nothing about anyone being legitimate or not. Nor did I say that people who are not in relationships cannot "be poly," if that is what you mean. I was saying that even for people who do see poly as an identity or orientation, there is still a point where they choose to be in more than one relationship -- it doesn't happen automatically when one has this epiphany that they "are poly," after all - which was meant to answer your question to the OP about why they would even think that anyone could choose.

The point I was trying to make (which you missed entirely) was that you were making quite a pronouncement about all poly people when you, using the Royal We, stated quite emphatically that poly is "just something we are." In your experience, from your perspective, it may be "just something you are," and it seems you cannot fathom that anyone would consider it a choice, but I objected to your wording, because it came off as if you were speaking for all polyfolk.

The purpose of my post was to state that there are many, many "poly people" who do not see poly as an identity, orientation, or "just something we are." Those of us who feel this way do indeed choose to practice poly, choose to live polyamorously, or choose to embrace/be open to practicing it and living polyamorously. We can choose to be open to polyamory whether we are in one relationship, many relationships, or none. For many who do not see poly as an orientation or "wiring," it is usually viewed as simply a structure or approach to relationships -- not a personality trait. If I say "I am poly," what I am saying is "I am a polyamorist" - the "ist" suffix denoting an action I take, rather than "I am polyamorous" - the "ous" suffix denoting a state of being.

It's perfectly fine for you to say that YOU see poly as something YOU are, but you do not speak for anyone else, especially those of us who do indeed choose poly as a practice/approach/structure.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 06-27-2013 at 06:47 AM.
Reply With Quote