I am sorry you are going through this.
You have some hard decisions ahead.
You sound like it is poly hell.
Could ask wife to clarify If she's talking "Friends and healthy marriage" or "Friends and healthy exes." Right now her behavior doesn't sound very "friendly" to me. She cheats on you, polyships badly, and now you are on the couch suffering. This is not loving kindness type behavior toward a spouse.
To solve the couch problem...
- You could move out entirely, and have your own bedroom that way.
- You could ALL move to a home where everyone has their own bedroom, and there's no more of this ousted to the couch business.
Which of those two options you pick depends on how invested you and wife are in rebuilding the marriage and remaining in polyship with the other person.
But if her actions show she's not emotionally present in the marriage any more? Continued investment in the marriage, continued investment in the polyship, or NEW investing in a larger home may not be the best choice for your OWN well being. Because the return
on the investments is meh and not fulfilling.
I know things probably suck right now for your short term health. Could accept that it is short term health suckage then.
And look after your own LONG term health even if you have to endure short term suckage to get to a better place.
Sometimes the choices in life are not "win" or "lose" but "which of these stinky options stinks the least?"
Could sort it out. Hang in there.