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Old 06-26-2013, 09:05 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
. . . I can see how eventually DADT could become a problem if I ever find a person I want a long-term relationship with. My husband is also aware that this is an issue we may need to discuss at some future point. Hopefully, by then I will have proved that I won't let relationships outside my marriage destroy me or my marriage.
Hmm, your statement which I bolded makes me wonder - don't you feel rather... policed by that kind of approach? I mean, it clearly sounds like you are just plain not trusted. Not trusted to be rational, not trusted to respect your commitments, and not trusted to make choices about how to live your own life. I would resent being treated like a child if my husband expected me to prove anything to him and didn't trust me to be a mature, rational adult. That is why I could never be with someone who has a DADT policy in place with their partner - it speaks volumes about their dynamic and I just would not go there, no matter how attracted I might be to that person. I would say that a lot of inner work needs to be done, individually and between the two of you, to dig deeper at fears, trust issues, and communication, before you ever embark on any relationships outside your marriage. It would be worth taking the time to do that, I believe, so that you can reach a more harmonious level of partnership and not have to prove anything for your partner to know you have his back no matter what.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 06-26-2013 at 09:10 PM.
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