Originally Posted by Nadya
My insight about DADT policies, after reading the threads here, is that people tend to have very different understandings about what it actually is. I thought originally that DADT means that the partner does not know anything about the other partner's OSO, not even that they exist (definition #1). I have now learned that some people consider not sharing intimate details about their lives with one partner to OSO's being DADT (definition #2).
IMO there is a huge difference between these two. I would say that type #1 is almost impossible to be healthy, whereas type #2 can easily work. Some people just are not that keen on details about other persons' lives.
I've never actually thought of #2 being "DADT". I've always thought of it as you do: where a DADT policy is that you don't want to know about your partner's other relationship(s), period. With a DADT policy, there's no way in hell, for instance, that your partner's OSOs would attend family functions, get to know the kids, etc. They're pretty much kept as the dirty little secret the person with the DADT policy would rather not see.
On the other hand, #2 seems like more of a privacy or TMI type of thing. I'm happy to go to family functions with my partner and his OSO. I'm not cool with hearing details about how freaky they get in bed (and luckily, they're not keen on sharing).
To answer Flowerchild's question, I do know someone who's interested in knowing all about what his wife and her BF do in bed. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own, as long as they're all on the same page.