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Old 06-26-2013, 07:17 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122

Something like this happened in a previous relationship for me as well. I dont know what your "issue" was last summer, but for me it was that a former poly partner of mine proceeded to date and hook up with (have sex with) about 5 other women without telling me. Even after we had been poly, with others, and he should have known it was okay to tell me.

He told me that he didnt want me to tell people about what he had done. That it would affect his reputation, and we had mostly mutual friends at that point.

I told him to go scratch. This was something that had happened to ME (that he had cheated on me, without reason, just that he wanted to have contact without consequences..) and I had the right to share that experience and process my feelings about that. The purpose of it was not to malign him (although I wanted to do that very much at the time), it was for me.

If it had happened to someone else, that would be gossip, and is not for me to tell.

I can understand why someone would not want their partner talking about private matters that happened between them. But if you, the other partner to whom this happened, needs to talk about it, it is unfair for him to say you cannot have that opportunity.

Just my 2 cents.....
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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