I wanted to post a bit about how confused I am feeling recently and try to gain some better understanding in myself by putting pen to paper, as the saying goes. Even though i dont know the technicologic analogy equivilant.
Anyways, as I have mentioned in previous posts I am LDS, or mormon, and this has colored my views on life a lot, as does most spiritual, religious or cultural beliefs in a person. That being said I have never ever once been involved with a good standing monogomous relationship that worked.
My confusion comes to this. I have suffiently healed from my past to start dating, and recently met two very different amazing men. One of them will be named L and the other M. L is a very wise, patient man, who understands my past and we have a very strong connection. We have a history of knowing each other distantly but only just connected recently so we can really relate about past events and there is a bond long term friendship.
I met M through him, although M is long distance. I connected with L more than friends around the same time as meeting M.
L is very tolerant of my poly nature and bi-sexuality. However M has past baggage from a previous marriage, that makes him distrustful of poly people as he views such things as cheating no matter how many times i try to tell him i love many not less, and its all open and consensual.
L originally didnt want me to be involved with M, but as he was very open-minded and patient and we discussed the topic, and eventually he decided he would agree because having me in his life at all was more important than pushing me away because of my desire to be with others. Plus he also was able to care a great deal for M.
L and M ironically have had a few daliances with each other physically, but, they do not view themselves as Bi-sexual, although L cares a great deal about M and this makes him more tolerant of the whole thing.
Now I know this is all strange to bring my religious views on this matter into play here, but seeing as my beliefs only allow me to marry and be with one man, and I still want to stay in my religion, I find that M is asking me to be more exclusive with him. That he doesnt want me dating anyone other than L and M, and I dont know if I can agree to this. First of all the whole concept seems hypocritical to me as L and M have been intimate, and M doesnt seem to mind if I am with women, just if I am with other men!
But I have been very clear with L and M, if M asked me to choose I would choose L, L has been the "rock" in all this and in my life. He was there when I went through my abuse with my ex., he was there during the time with my past issues with my mother, and in all things I needed him in.
Where we stand now is that M describes himself as Mono, and unwilling to bend. If I want to date or see others he doesnt want to continue a relationship with me. This hurts a lot as I care a lot of him as a friend and more and would like to try and make it work. Also it would hurt L as L cares a lot about him too. I am just not sure how to make this all work. I have never before had one decent guy interested in me, and now I have two, and not only that I get on so well with both of them. They are both very easy to communicate with and its all very natural and peaceful when I am around them.
By the way both M and L are part of the same religion, but L simply feels that if I married him eternally (as is such the belief system in our religion) I wouldnt be made to choose between him and M.
Don't even get me started about my bi-sexual female friends in the LDS faith either, thats a whole other post required. /sigh