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Old 01-28-2010, 04:18 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by redsirenn View Post
Um yeah, I completely disagree with the negative tone in this statement.
Ok - disagreement is good because it fuels conversations.
If the tone is 'negative' that might be a misperception of the intent - but even that says something. The tone was intended to be one of warning & alarm. A call to caution and really thinking things through.

Originally Posted by redsirenn;
I think of it more along the lines of how you find your friends and include them in your group. There certainly are traits and characteristics these friends must have, and i hope people do have those standards... I wouldn't be friends with just anybody, and they don't "get in" unless they fit those criteria.
My emphasis in the above quote............
I think this approach is pretty common. Now I'm trying to filter out what you are really 'saying' here vs how you phrased it. Otherwise, I think you could look at this as a perfect example of exactly the point & concern I was raising. Do you not see an "exclusionary" approach here ?
You have "expectations" in order to connect to you. The rules are set. it's all been figured out. There's a VERY distinct undertone of 'us' vs 'them'. And this is the way of the world for large numbers of people. And we have what we have.

Originally Posted by ;
I just want a "community" of like minded individuals that fit different criteria. people I can talk to about issues that affect me more than someone 20 years my senior!
More substance for the above discussion..........
Just using your example text because you did (the age thing), why would you assume better understanding of a world issue - or even personal one - from someone of a particular age group ? Or feel you wouldn't be heard ?
But this concept applies to any range of perceived 'differences'. It could be age, cultural background, social status/power, geography, you name it. By isolating ourselves into pockets of similarity only, we're depriving not only ourselves, but each other of the wisdom and experiences that others have lived. It's building walls, not connections.
I have, for example, quite a number of "friends". We see eye-to-eye on some things. On others we don't. But I value their opinions and experiences as they do mine and we 'borrow' insights from each other as the situation dictates. Balance. Growth. Connection.

Originally Posted by ;
Yes, sometimes the age gap is not important... but is DOES exist. and to ignore that fact and the differences between people is naive. It is OK too see the differences, so long as you understand them and don't criticize them - that you even appreciate them from time to time.
Nothing wrong with criticism ! As long as you have relative experience/insights to come with it to substantiate your point. Remember, once upon a time the earth was flat. And the sun revolved around it.
We (had) have reason to question and eventually criticize those views. But by locking yourself in the basement and never looking through the telescope, you may indeed come out to discover one day that the world has changed around you and indeed, you find yourself 'marginalized' - and even angry. And from there..............
Well - you fill in the rest.


Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
[B]It is not uncommon for online forum communities to require questions when joining. The biggest purpose of such practices is to weed out spammers, who usually won't bother to spam a board if they have to do that much to join it. The other purpose of it is to be INTENTIONAL about the kind of community that's being build on that specific forum.

Again, that is NOT the same as being exclusive.
All true and when I posted it was only in response to two particular posts I'd seen. If there's more 'background' I'm just ignorant of it. My fears were only triggered by what appeared on the surface as a 'pulling away' - i.e. exclusion in general over what otherwise would be a common topic - 'polyamory'.
If indeed, as Ciel (and you ?) has since pointed out, the intent was to raise awareness of some people who were feeling unheard or un-respected or maybe not even understood, then I think that would be an awesome thing to investigate.
Like most others here, I/we haven't ever witnessed 'age' being any factor what-so-ever in the poly world so personally I'd love to hear any/all of the concerns and examples anyone could offer to substantiate those perceptions.
If that's the intent, and direction this thread takes - or if it takes yet another forum intended to specifically address those concerns - wonderful !
And to clarify more, why yes there's an obvious need to separate topics & materials. You don't want to encourage car repair discussions in the same conversation as you're discussing veterinary practice - but that doesn't seem to be what we're doing here. interesting to see what becomes of this !


Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
We have a lot of 30-somethings in our group, and several 20-somethings. They seem to be quite comfortable mixing and I don't sense any divide.

This is why I want to know more about this, so that we don't fall into the trap of biasing things against the younger demographic.
Oh - and is this possibly more about 'connecting' (meeting/dating etc) than about any differences in approach, philosophy or practicality that get into all the long and wonderful discussions we seem to ?

If it's really just all about 'meeting' potential partners and there's a sentiment that anyone over 35 is outside consideration - well that's fine. That seems a common boundary line that's drawn - if you're under 18 you're not legal and if over 35 you're over the hill. Each to their own - right.

Maybe what's needed is something more like the 'dating' sites but targeted specifically at people that are poly inclined. If such a thing exists I'm not personally aware of it. Good project for someone to take on ?
I just don't know if the numbers are there at this point. In any age group.


Last edited by NeonKaos; 01-28-2010 at 08:01 PM. Reason: merge posts
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