Insights on DaDt (from personal experience and reading threads)
So I posted a thread earlier asking about successful DaDt relationships.
And I observed the following major issue:
1) Supporters of DaDt generally focus on SEX. While opponents focus on SECRECY.
In other words, couples who say they practice it, generally talk about how they dont' want to hear "blow by blows" or "all the gory details." They say it's none of their business, and a violation of privacy. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
But it DOES make me curious, are there individuals out there who really DO want to know every single detail? I'm probably in the opposition camp, but while I have no issues with knowing my partner is married/dating someone else, I really don't care to have sex positions described to me (though I love it when he and I talk dirty about what we might do with his partner, or with other women). I also don't need to know about what his plans are with other women, other than basics, such as who he's having sex with, what nights he won't be available, etc.
It's more that I'm against the idea that his partner couldn't "handle" knowing that I'm a part of his life or that he has feelings for me. That he would have to pretend to his partner that she's the only woman in his life. That he would tell her that he's "with a friend," when he's with me. Even proponents appear to agree that you should be able to tell your partner who you're dating/committing to, when you're going out on a date, etc. No one seems to think it's okay to have to lie to your partner about "working late at the office," when the truth is you're on a date.
I'd like to know, is ANYONE truly okay with having a partner who says, "Honey, I don't care if you don't other people. But I don't ever want to find out." Do they feel that counts as polyamory? Do you think that's in any way unfair to the other men/women involved? As a "secondary" would you ever put up with that? It's possible that if you love someone enough, you would find this acceptable. Or am I wrong?