My husband demands DADT. I don't like it, as I feel it limits my relationships outside the marriage to sex-only, and I truly prefer emotional intimacy. On the other hand, hubby isn't interested in being poly, that's something I need, not him, and this is the only way he's at all comfortable with the situation. Also, this is a new thing for us, as it's been not even a year since I insisted upon my need for multiple partners.
His reasoning is that the first person I dated outside our marriage, I was very open about, and it was a disaster. She was a narcissist and hurt me lots, and poor hubby was left to pick up the pieces when it fell apart after 5 months, and I turned into an emotional wreck. I can understand why he wouldn't be keen to go through that again--though I've pointed out that, hopefully, not everyone I date will be a cold-blooded reptile. He doesn't know about the two men I dated after the woman, each for a couple of months, neither of whom panned out into long-term relationships. With both these men, I was able to keep a lid on my emotions and not let them affect my marriage.
If someone comes along with whom I build something meaningful with, I will push to re-discuss DADT. But for now, its the best solution we've come up with, as neither of us want a divorce. I suspect/hope as we both grow and change and evolve, this policy will change.
Last edited by nycindie; 06-26-2013 at 02:25 PM.