Originally Posted by NonMono
Could you all read through my script, and let me know if you think anything should be tweaked, added, or removed? Any advice would be appreciated.
I would tweak and remove the fact that you've written a 'script' if said script is expected to have any bearing on what you imagine a 'conversation' to be like. This reads like a plea to a judge, not a conversation with a human.
Honestly I'd say dial it WAY down unless your girlfriend is an attorney and generally has conversations in which she rips you to shreds about your supporting documentation. Just try to be honest about your worldview and try not to convince her that she needs to change hers.
...note that "don't try to change her worldview" part