Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 06-25-2013, 08:24 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Don't forget, the learning part takes time and practice in small doses. I think that is what FOL is trying to do. You don't just one day wake up and decide to go out and run a marathon. You have to get in shape, train, stumble and fall, pull out the ice packs and pain meds... rinse and repeat until finally you are ready to run that marathon. It may take years.

For the record. I think you guys are doing well. Matt didn't sit and stew about what happened, he brought it up and addressed it. You recognized that you screwed up almost immediately and started to look at how to not repeat it, even before he said anything. Then you took it to your counselor. I would say this is progress from how things happened in the past.
We are in training. Rigorous and sometimes painful training and personally, it is whipping my butt into shape. I am not ready for the race, yet. In due time. We are learning what does and does not work. The three of us being together at a social event? Awkward and uncomfortable. Not a good idea. With the seating arrangement, I was seated in between the two of them. I did not think to ask the bride if it could be changed. With 500+ guests, it did not seem like it was worth it to bug her with that. A year ago, that would have been fine. I was happy we had a rowdy bunch at our table, so the awkwardness dissipated relatively quickly. I was grateful that the DJ kept everyone on the floor all night. Some slower songs were played, but the bride and groom's first dance was to, "Moves Like Jagger," so it was a very relaxed environment. The open bar helped, too.

We are getting much better at problem solving. He takes a day or two to think certain things over, but he eventually comes to me and tells me whatever it is. The good thing is I am listening to him and hearing him out. We are not arguing any more. We disagree, but if things start getting too heated, we agree to back away from it, calm down, and meet at a later point. Like I said, it felt wrong, and I went in to, "How to avoid this again," mode. We talked about it over dinner and agreed to some more terms. We have all agreed that right now, their interactions only need to be during counselling. She called me when she landed, and I told her what happened and how we would like to proceed. She agreed that limiting contact was for the best, and it would give them both much needed space and breathing room. They are no longer working with one another, and the next several weeks will keep us all busy, so there will be no need for them to be around one another. It seems like everyone is happy with that.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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