What do I think?
I think you have two things:
- You seem to want time set aside for deeper connection with BF.
- You seem to want a co-primary shape relationship with BF and DH.
While you work together with BF, that's work time,
not bondy emotional intimacy or mental intimacy time that you seem to crave. You would like to "speak daily, tel each other whats on our minds, what we have going on, or just discuss current events more often" with your BF than you currently do.
You are wondering how to cope with feeling unhappy you are not getting this with BF by pointing out to yourself that you do get it with hubby. I don't think the need for close connection is "to get it in general (from anywhere and anyone)" because if that were so, you wouldn't be posting. If your DH could top you up in your "I want close connection to BF" bucket you wouldn't be struggling.
You could ask BF if he is willing to make the time to share close connection or not. Then you could KNOW. I think you are not willing to ask BF at this time because you perceive that he's protective of his time and might say "No, not willing to do that."
You could also ask him if he is willing to be working toward a co-primary shape thing or not. You also have to ask the other player's willingness to participate in a coprimary model -- your DH.
I think you are not willing to ask BF about the co-primary shape thing because he might say he's not up for that because it means him spending more of his time with you. (Not sure where your DH might fall from your post. Not sure on your willingness to ask DH about co-primaryship model from your post.)
Basically you will either decide to
a) Leave it how it is and deal with not liking not knowing.
b) Let go of the want to know
c) Ask BF (and DH) the things you want to know so you can know
It's up to you. You can always ASK. Each may or may not to be willing/able to meet the request but the asking part? That's on you to decide to do.
Neither one can mind reader you.