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Old 06-25-2013, 03:59 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
I have formed a habit of reminding myself in my head that my partners love me regardless of where they are, what they are doing, or what mood they are in.
Focusing on the solution is the right way to go. If a mantra helps you then keep doing it; I lean on my mantras sometimes as well and it can be helpful. Abandonment, fear of being alone, whatever the correct name is the goal should be to become self-reliant when it comes to your own feelings (and in general, for that matter).

This isn't just I am an advocate for autonomy in general but because it has a very practical effect on relating. If you are self reliant then when your partners give you their time and affection you can be confident that they are doing it because that's what they want to do - not just to avoid having to deal with you having a panic attack. It encourages a more genuine form of relating.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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