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Old 06-25-2013, 02:56 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,357

Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
But then I wonder, is this not how poly works?
While there might be some solutions that you have access to which monogamous folks wouldn't necessarily have, this is not a poly specific problem. This is just a common relationship situation which everyone should consider (though they rarely seem to).

Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
I feel like we are at a place in our relationship where we would at least speak daily
Which manual are you using? I have the 2004 Edition which says that once a couple has been dating 2 months they "should be communicating at least once per day".

This classification you are putting on your relationship is imaginary and is probably caused by the central issue. The central issue being your fear of being alone and tasking others with fixing this for you. Some people are ok with this level of being meshed with another life form but (as you are discovering currently) not everyone will endure it for long.

Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
Should I be happy with the time we have, and then expect my husband to fill in (to the best hecan) all my other needs?
Why does anyone need to take care of this for you? What list of needs to you have which the people around you should feel compelled to check off for you? I would strongly suggest you stop looking at people as items to plug into your fear of being alone.

While you consider your emotional issues something that other people need to fix you are going to continue to have this problem. Take a look at your list of "needs", consider for a moment what a "need" is, look at the list again and see if there are any actual "needs" on there. Chances are it is a list of emotional insecurity issues which you are confusing as needs and are further confusing as someone elses to deal with.
1. Take FULL authority and responsibility over your feelings and actions
I didn't list any other steps you should take because if you can figure this one out I think you'll find that many of the issues you are having will magically fall off of your radar.

The fear of being alone is pretty much universal as far as I can tell. I consider myself to be a pretty self-reliant human but I periodically find that the fear of being alone is clouding my actions and I have to do a kind of personal inventory to get myself pointing in the right direction again. It's normal to feel this way but making it someone elses problem is just going to exacerbate the issue.
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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