I think the meet your soulmate and go mono thing is a risk in all poly relationships. How big that risk is depends on the individual. For me, there is a high risk that a married man in an unfulfilled relationship who is trying to compensate for that lack of fulfilment by opening his relationship is high risk. This is following the logic that when he was happily married, he didn't need others, and if he becomes happy with me, he may expect monogamy. It's far easier not to have negative feelings about a partner you have dwindling affection for seeing other people. Anyway, it's a risk.
I don't think you should give up on polyamory because this happened to you. Just remember this risk I keep on about and assess potential partners for how likely they are to need monogamy in a serious relationship, or more importantly, need you to be monogamous, regardless of what they wish to do. I disagree with the idea of you not telling people about you being poly. I suggest you limit your dating pool to poly people. There is less chance of the risk coming back into play and more chance if you sustaining the relationship you have with your girlfriend. Have some time to heal and stabalise things and then join some dating sites and three like. There are poly people out there. You just have to hunt them down.
Last edited by london; 06-25-2013 at 01:34 PM.