Thread: Wide Awake
View Single Post
Old 06-25-2013, 05:49 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Good morning.
Of course, DH and I were being really flirty. I could tell it was making her uncomfortable, so I pulled him to the side and kind of asked him to tone it down. Since then, I have been thinking that it was the wrong move. He was only being himself, and I asked him to stop to appease the likes of her. Bad move. I was not sure how to handle it. Those old habits are not dying. In that moment, I basically put her feelings above his, and he has not said anything about it. It is something we need to discuss. I feel like I owe him an apology for being inconsiderate and basically dismissive of his feelings. Am I wrong in thinking like this?
I feel like chiming in here... "to appease the likes of her" seems a bit offensive to me I just had to say. If you're going to resume a relationship with her at some point (and if I were her, I couldn't say what you write in here makes it sound very appealing) its not about putting HIS needs first or HER needs first, it's got to be somewhat about compromise. That means you being willing to say "hey honey, I think Si is uncomfortable, can we have less PDA for the rest of the night and talk about the subject later? It means you say the same to her if he is uncomfortable. Everybody states their wants and needs and you work hard to get as many met as possible.

It doesn't have to mean (and I think it shouldn't) you ignore anyone's feelings or that one person always gets their way, or gets to do what they want all the time and the other people just have to suck it up. Sure you can say "I worry I was dismissive of your feelings" but were you going to go apologize to Si for being inconsiderate and dismissive of HER feelings as you ignored her discomfort? Seems like practicing balance is still something you have some work to do on, as it looks to be a recurring theme in your relationships.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote