Personally, I do not believe one is practicing polyamory if one's SO is basically cheating on their primary.
You can alter your behavior and stop with the constant texting and flirting until she tells her h everything about you, and you have met him, spoken openly with him, and know he knows that you're more than a friend to his wife.
I think her behavior is sketchy, and in your shoes, I'd feel less than love and respect if someone was lying to their primary about me. I'd cut off the frequency and intensity of contact even though it's fun... because being a dirty little secret would make me feel sick.
In fact, I have an ex who wanted something similar with me... cybersex, because his current SO doesn't fulfill his sexual needs and he knows how good our sex was... He was also telling me he wanted to leave her, but it's now been 10 mos since he got back in touch with me and he's still with her.
I didn't want to be some kind of steam valve while he continues with someone else! So, I told him early on, no more sexting, no more wanting to cam with me, no more sending me pix of his nethers, etc.
I am not in love with him though, so this decision was relatively painless.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
Last edited by Magdlyn; 06-24-2013 at 01:49 PM.