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Old 06-24-2013, 04:54 AM
AlbertaBea's Avatar
AlbertaBea AlbertaBea is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: San Francisco East Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
You are giving this person way too much power. She made her husband break up with you; she is not someone you need to consider. You do not gain anything by walking on eggshells around her.
I don't see it like that. She did have a role in why we broke up, but she didn't make anyone do anything - we're all accountable for our actions. As such, I may not need to be considerate of her, but I can be considerate of her in all the ways I'm considerate of everyone (when I'm not wrapped up in my own shit). Like it or not, our spirits have crossed paths and we've encountered each other and we'll never forget each other. I'm writing the memories I'll look back on in fifty years, so why shouldn't I be considerate of that by not being a jerk to everyone I disagree with? I want to be proud of my history.

She doesn't take disappointment well and I don't walk on eggshells around her. She does not have any control over me. I won't accommodate her and that's the source of our drama. I'm not inflexible about much so it's a big deal for me to maintain the boundary of "you don't get to tell me what to do" by being uncompromising.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
So, she might be talking to someone you want to talk to. She going to talk to that person all night? If yes, then that person must be really into her, and probably wouldn't be into you quite so much anyway. Talk to someone else instead. She can't be in more than one place at a time. If this is a "big campout event" and you have been invited by "multiple people", I fail to recognize the dilemma. It isn't like it's someone's wedding and you're both asked to be brides-maids or something.

It's been my experience that when I have wanted to avoid someone, and I choose to attend an event at which that individual will be present, it usually turns out that the person I want to avoid is equally or more determined to avoid ME, and I don't have to do anything I wouldn't ordinarily do anyway.
I already made up my mind to go. I want to manage the situation gracefully. I have some anxiety about potential drama and with good reason in this case.

I appreciate you sharing your experience, but I have to say I can see why you may be #anxiousaboutgettinglectured. I felt defensive responding to you. That first paragraph about ganging up on the newbie introduced your reply as a condescending criticism. It's like when a person says, "No offense, but...[you're fat.], [you have no ears.], [etc.]." I'm not looking for a flame war, I just want you to know how your tone came off to me so you can consider reframing the #tiredofbeinglectured issue you wrote about.
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