I'm sorry for what you went through. It seems like it wasn't much of a fun weekend...
As I see it there are two separate issues here that you all need to deal with and agree upon;
1: the complete and total lack of consideration from your wife about your feelings.
Sure, she is not responsable for them, but I personally think that in a good relationship you take each others feelings into consideration. Especially because she agreed to certain things several times, and then broke those agreements.
She is an adult. She should be able to manage to control herself with the kissing and cuddling the boyfriend (Friday). If she could control herself while the kids were up, she can control herself when it is just you. She just didn't want to.
2: how to go forward from here on out.
What is happening now isn't working for anyone. I think that having new agreements will help all of you. Make sure that they are clear, one line agreements. Not agreements that take 2 hours to explain...
Good luck moving forward.