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Old 06-23-2013, 05:51 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 5,914

Originally Posted by DFWPolyGuy View Post
Okay, so here's a new one:

L is over this weekend visiting J and I. Since my last post we have talked a LOT about their need to be alone together and I agreed that I would take our 2 kids out or most of the day on Saturday, leaving them about 5 hours of alone time. And also she would go on a weekend getaway with him next month.

I asked that while the three of us are together (like in the same space) that she not completely get lost in him for extended periods of time...

Which is EXACTLY what happened on Friday night. Basically, as soon as our kids were in bed, she sat in his lap and they kissed for an hour while I tried to occupy myself around the house doing other things.
This was after you'd already had the kids out so they could have those 5 hours alone?

After a while, I sat down near them and tried to start a conversation, you know as if to say "hey, I'm still here." I don't expect her to jump up and come over to me, but I just felt like a complete tool hanging out while they do their thing. With other partners, she and I ALWAYS pay attention to one another while we are all in the same space. With L, though, it's like she's in a alternate reality.
Well since you come from a swinger mentality, I can see how this is new to you. Seems to be swinging is based a lot on "sharing," voyeurism, exhibitionism. Now you've got a full on romantic thing going on, her and him, and they are, as the saying goes, lost in each other.

So I decided that I should just leave for the evening.
This was one solution. Tho it seems you made it under duress.

I grab my keys and then she's like "oh shit, what's going on". I calmly explained that it was plainly obvious I wasn't needed or wanted at this particular time, and that I felt awkward just fiddling around the house. L said he felt awkward too. And J kind of looked torn and was like "i don't know if this is a good idea". I told her that I wasn't going to pretend to not be annoyed at being ignored and she apologized for ignoring me but admitted that she couldn't help herself. I said something like, that is exactly the problem, you can't control it, so I'm going to take myself out of the situation. I left and met up with some friends at a bar...
Uh oh...

At this point it's about 12:00 and she texts me and says she "feels bad". I tell her it's fine, go have fun, and text me when you go to bed.

Then at 2:00AM she starts freaking out, asking me where I am, what I'm doing, she's worried, etc. I call, and she says something like "Oh my God, please come home, I feel terrible and I've been worrying about you and..." then she starts he's messing around with her or something...that was it.
OK, that's it. It's one thing to have NRE, it's something else to be dissing your primary. Not good.

...she apologized for ignoring me and I apologized for getting trashed.

The next day I took my kids out for the day,
Oh, so they had to wait til the day after he arrived to have alone time...
No wonder they couldnt keep their hands off each other. But still, you expected "attention" after an hour of them cuddling and then had a hissy fit and got hammered when you didn't get it.

I blame BoringGuy for recommending drinking.

but before I left I told her that, given everything that happened the night before, I would really appreciate some affection when I got home. I explained it like this: if I can get some positive re-enforcement that leaving the two of you alone makes you happy and you appreciate me, some kisses, some snuggling, etc. then this will help me get more comfortable and WANT to give you that time. She agrees... I feel much better and pull her close to me to snuggle in my lap. L is taking a nap at this point in our bedroom. After J and I snuggle for a minute, she says she wants to go wake L up, and leaves.

They are in the bedroom for 10 minutes or so.

Okay, so now I'm like GOOD GOD, what the hell?
Yeah, that was pretty rude.

I explicitly state my needs and she agrees that they are reasonable and doable. Then, at the first opportunity the blinders go back on and I'm left alone again....We agree that when the three of us are together, I will squeeze her hand and say "here I am" when I need her to pay a little attention to me. (which makes me feel like an idiot BTW).
Well then it's not a very good agreement.
This morning, it's sexy time...we are all in the bed and start messing around (YES!).
Oh! So this is what you were waiting for? 3way MFM sex? Now the light dawns. You don't want a cuddle, a hand squeeze, you want to fuck her while he plays with her and vice versa?

Swinger mentality strikes again.

The kids get up and need attention, so I tell L and J that I will go take care of them and leave the lovebirds to themselves. J says okay and L says "No, come on back whenever." So I say, "we'll see". And close the door behind me. I get the kids going with breakfast and whatnot
All this adult sex and fighting time with a 3 and 6 year old in the next room? Yikes.

and I'm super horny at this point, so I decide to join the activity already in progress back in the bedroom.
Uh oh...

They are having sex when I come in and quickly stop (they thought I was one of the kids). I apologize for startling them and say well, let's get back to it. J informs me that L is already done, but she hasn't O'd yet. We take care of her, and then it's my turn. The kids start getting restless, and L (being a really nice guy here) leaves us alone while he tends to the kiddos.
Well, that seems to be the perfect solution except, it's not what L wants! He wants one on one and so does she, it seems.


Now they are going to lunch together (at my behest). I've come to the conclusion that the only thing to do is remove myself from the situation. It's obvious that I'm the only one that enjoys our "threesome" time (in and out of the bedroom) ....
I've decided that we should not spend much time together as a group. J and L should either do overnights in hotels or at home without me.

Am I right?
Yep, you are. Dating separately seems the way to go. She has L, you have her, and maybe someday you'll find a gf for yourself as well. But first, get this all talked over with the wife. You and she are on different wavelengths to be sure!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years
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