The past week has been a consistent high. We spent Wednesday night in Tunbridge Wells. We drove down after work. We had dinner at a cute, cosy Italian restaurant with our children. After our little duckies were in bed, we had an impromptu date night. We went and watched a jazz show, had drinks, and just talked. On Thursday, we took our children to see Dora the Explorer live. I am happy that my children enjoyed themselves. After, I took my daughter to Childrensalon, so she could get a little retail therapy in. We left RTW on Thursday afternoon. We stopped in Sevenoaks and had lunch. We made it home on Thursday evening. We had another date night. Just dinner and a play. I had a lovely time. On the marital side of my life, I must admit that I notice a huge difference. We are much more relaxed, easygoing, and just enjoying each other. This is the most relaxed I have been recently.
Now for the poly half of my life. Last year, two of our close friends got engaged. When the RSVPs were sent, obviously I was still with Si. I had the lovely +2. The six of us--including Nanny J--flew to Newcastle on Friday evening. Due to the amount of guests at this wedding, all of the hotels in the area were sold out, so the three of us are sharing a home for the weekend. It has been interesting because tomorrow (Monday) is our would have been 13th anniversary. It has been a mere 48 hours, and oh me oh my, if I had any ideas about living together, they would be long gone by now.
Obviously the anniversary situation is weighing on Si's mind. I know it does not help to have my DH showing PDA in front of her. Slight reminder that I "chose" him over her. I really did not. I chose the relationship that needed the most work. He likes touching and being touched. He has not been doing anything to spite her. It is nothing for him to kiss me, tell me he loves me, wrap his arms around my waist, or whisper in my ear. That is how we are at home, so I did not expect anything to change now that we are in a different setting. It has been really awkward. Friday night, we went to dinner. Of course, DH and I were being really flirty. I could tell it was making her uncomfortable, so I pulled him to the side and kind of asked him to tone it down. Since then, I have been thinking that it was the wrong move. He was only being himself, and I asked him to stop to appease the likes of her. Bad move. I was not sure how to handle it. Those old habits are not dying. In that moment, I basically put her feelings above his, and he has not said anything about it. It is something we need to discuss. I feel like I owe him an apology for being inconsiderate and basically dismissive of his feelings. Am I wrong in thinking like this?
After dinner, we stopped by the train station to pick up our friend who had flown from LAX to LHR and then, hopped on a three hour train ride. She was good and tired. We had cocktails when we got back to the house. She retired early, so once again it was just the three of us. He was holding back from showing PDA. The energy was awkward, so I told her good-night and went to bed with him.
From Friday night after dinner to about 3:30 PM yesterday, we were at the house. We were all getting dressed and ready for the wedding, which did not start until 5 PM. DH took our children and Nanny J out for a late breakfast. We just had food delivered. It was nice to have some bonding time with my female counterparts. When the three of us are in a room together, it is like no one knows what to do. I was getting my hair curled and getting my hat secured. DH kissed me before my lips were done. Si was in there, and I swear her eyes were like burning me. Do you know how you just feel someone's eyes on you? It was not like she could just walk out with a curling iron in her hair and someone working on her face and nails.
I was grateful when the driver pulled up. We chatted with him, and he was telling us about how long he has known the family and all of that. It broke the awkwardness of the three of us being in close quarters. The wedding was beautiful, and the bride was beaming from the moment the doors opened. It was magical.
The reception was one of epic proportions. Complete with a fireworks display. The entire day was beautiful, and I could not be happier for the couple. From the readings by her brother and his brother to the music selections to their first dance. It was definitely what they wanted, and they were happy.
Towards the end of the night, I snuggled up with DH and watched the fireworks. I actually did think for a minute, "This time last year, I would have been enjoying this with both of loves," but those thoughts left pretty quickly. I got lost in the moment, the love, the beauty, the setting, and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was the perfect romantic setting, and it added to that certain magic of the entire day. As the fireworks were going off and illuminating in the sky, "At Last" by Etta James playing. At another point, Celine Dion's, "Because You Love Me" was playing.
We retired for the evening. Our children were sleep when we got in. Si decided to go out and enjoy the afterparty. I heard her come in about an hour ago. DH and I had a nice wee hour of the AM chat. We took a shower, had a couple of glasses of champers, and ate cake. After, we cuddled and made love. I fell asleep in his arms. Perfect day (IMO). Perfect night. Full of love.
I am not sure how I will handle the next time the three of us have to be in a confined space for a set amount of time. I cannot disregard DH's feelings. At the same time, I feel like it would be wrong of me to ignore someone's obvious discomfort. Could she just excuse herself? Yes, but that seems dramatic. It is impossible to remain neutral when in the middle of two people you love. I do know how I handled things at dinner was wrong. If it is this awkward and we are just friends, imagine how it will be if we resume a relationship. All this weekend has proved is poly is not even on my radar. I can only take so many awkward vibes and uncomfortable/squeamish moments. It is best to deal with them separately.
In non-relationship news, we are leaving London on the 30th. Seven whole days. Our last days of work are the 26th and 28th, respectively. My daughter's going away party with all of her little friends is Friday evening. Our families and friends are giving us a going away dinner. I know to wear waterproof mascara that night. Though we have been planning this for a year, it is bittersweet. The sadness is hitting me now because before it seemed far off. Now, we are on the real countdown. Here is to new beginnings.