Our "rule" is condoms for penetrative sex other than between the three of us. If someone decides that they are not comfortable with that rule any longer then they have to share that decision with the other two, who then get to decide how to respond.
For me, if Dude decides he wants to bare-back with some other girl...then it will be back to condoms for the two of us. (I am not willing to expose MrS to some STI on Dude's whim). IF she decides that she is willing to get tested and agrees to condoms with any other partners (and we, ALL THREE, trust her to this extent) THEN the "rule" could be revised to condoms for penetrative sex other than between us four.
Hasn't come up yet...but we have discussed it A LOT!
PS. The boys have their own reasons for needing to use protection re: baby juice. I am on birth control - they are NOT fixed. I am NOT willing to subsidize babies that they make with other women...take that for what it is worth.
PPS. Yes, I know that there are STI's that are spread through other than penetrative sex. We have discussed this. I have tested positive for HPV in the past (although not recently) - they know this. I believe I got it via MrS from his ex. We presume that Dude has also potentially been infected (as have most people who have ever had sex - get vaccinated folks!). In addition, Me and Dude have had outbreaks of HSV-1 (oral). We take reasonable precautions during an outbreak (or the pro-drome) and leave it at that. This is disclosed to 1.) anyone who asks and 2.) anyone that we might get intimate with.
PPPS. I don't see where "rudeness" comes into it - full disclosure and everyone decides their own comfort level. Most restrictive comfort-level trumps all others. No conflict.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 06-23-2013 at 02:04 AM.