Originally Posted by BoringGuy
Just because you say they do, and you really mean it, does not make it a unilateral truth. Both of my relationships are virtually effortless, and neither takes more effort just because the other is there. I don't think this is true however, in most cases, but that's because i think people choose difficult partners for themselves. I'm very lucky to have the two, but i slogged through a lot of duds and i was a dud for some. "work" would have been useless. I am better off doing what works than trying to make it work.
"Work" can be as simple as working out who does the dishes or when you're both available for a date. When you say your relationships are virtually effortless, I interpret that as saying you're not cutting the lawn with a pair of scissors. Not that you have absolutely zero things to ever work out.
If one of your relationships takes N units of work and your other relationship takes M units of work, then together your "relationships" take at minimum N + M > (N or M) units of work.
Again, I'm not saying that "work" means "we have all these problems and we're constantly discussing and compromising and no one is ever really happy." The relationship side of both of my relationships is very pleasant and not at all difficult. But sharing a house with my husband means we have to work together to figure out things like finances, meal plans, cleaning the bathroom... That's all "work." With my girlfriend, we're both really busy, so we have to figure out when we'll have time to see each other. That's "work."