Mostly wanted you to know how much you're writing/talking things out through your turmoil and successes has been appreciated and that with many others your have our best thoughts and wishes for health and happiness.
LR's response in post #1766 in describing herself being like Mono: WOW!! (Truly thank you LR , it was really helpful to read as it turns out I've been feeling very much the same way and trying to come to terms with all that!!) It must be hard to find Mono may be only Mono to himself:/ Perhaps he fell in love with you and found you so attractive initially because you were never going to be full time. Not saying he's a bad guy; seems like he was being honest to himself even if not consciously so it makes sense that you didn't realize that. Plus hot sex & connection is hot, right?
There have been times I've been very perplexed in your reactions (ala NYCindie) in reading the frustrations of your feelings with Mono no longer being Mono but now with the latest postings it's more clear why and how you felt as you did in reaction to Mono and others.
Yes, Four years of NRE is amazing and disappointing to move past. (I wonder if so long lasting because it wasn't a monogamous relationship?) And now that that changed, its painful and hard and sucks!
So I would like to commend you for kind of going back to basics. Basics being that to be a good partner "worthy" of another partner we first have to love our self. Be full enough of our own self love and self confidence in order to be a good, loving supportive partner to someone else.
After reading the last few pages of your blog there seems to be a good reason why monogamy may be so attractive for foreseeable future.
Start with ONE GOOD, solid, strong relationship. If/when that one relationship is on very solid ground then a couple can perhaps open up? Maybe that's the starting point you're looking for?
Perhaps not... Know I haven't posted much but have been following and am very appreciative and supportive even if I don't always get it/relate.
Through it all wish you the best, health & happiness.