I am sorry you are frsutarted.
- I want to see an equal amount of both of them to keep things from going out of balance
ENGLISH BF WANTS:
- To be very in-the-moment person.
- Enjoys having a long distance relationship with you because it's easy for him. Doesn't put in any real effort for us to get together in the long run because he's content where he is and partly because his family does all his planning for him and he expects things to be easy.
You are correct. You both are NOT on the same page.
- To be on the same page, you could let go of your want to spend equal time with both/live with both. (You can control that)
- You could ask him to change. (You can ask, but he ultimately control that)
- Could end the relationship. (You can control that. )
- Could do something else I cannot think of right now.
In the other problem...
- To be accepted and acknowledged as important person in BF's life by his people (friends and family)
- To be "out?"
- Be free of ugh feelings because of cheating start to relationship with the mono gf?
- ... to be emotionally supportive so you "get ok" but not do any actions himself?
- to move in with you.
- (I couldn't see anything else in the paragraph that was clear wants of his, I tried. Sorry.)
I don't see how he can move in with you and NOT deal with the mono GF problems. That's going to come to a head.
Don't see how he can live with you and not tell his family about you without that adding to your ugh about being the "secret other woman."
Could resolve all that before moving in together though. So you aren't screwed and left holding an apartment on your own -- can you afford that experience emotionally and financially? If it all goes wahoonie, how do you want to land post break up? Not saying that you will break up... just saying you are responsible for your own emergency preparedness and could think out your Plan B just in case.
I'm sorry you are going through this stress.
Maybe could make some decisions that while not FUN to make, relieve you of the stress and potential wacky down the line? You are also responsible for your own LONG TERM well being.
Hang in there!