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Old 06-22-2013, 02:51 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467

I'm going to say something here that I truly, sincerely hope you don't take the wrong way and I hope that it helps.

I checked over your other posts and it sounds like you're all in the same country? (USA?) You don't mention time difference or visas, etc. It also sounds like you're apart only because of hubby's job, girlfriend's (and her kids') roots to her city/state... and for around the next 3-4 years?

I'm going to tell you a little bit about my story.

- I'm from the UK and my love is from the US.
- She's married and even if she wasn't, we are the same sex - marriage is not an option.
- I see her once every 3-6 months. I stay for 10-12 weeks.
- My visa options, in terms of moving there, are difficult, complicated, slim and should luck shine down on me, it could take 10 years or more before I can be legally stable in the US.
- Even if I manage to get a work or student visa, when it expires after a few years, I may have to come home again and go through the whole process again for a new visa.
- Because I've visited often, I get sent to secondary questioning. I can have my possessions searched, every time I fly into the US. It's stressful, emotional and to be frank, at times, terrifying.
- If a passport control officer doesn't like the sound of my regular visits and doesn't believe I'm going to return home, he could refuse me entry to the US. Every single time I fly, there's a risk I'll be banned, or sent straight back home, with my love on the other side of the wall.
- The future of my love and I is "if". If I can get a visa, if I can fly and be admitted, if we can afford the flights.
- GF's husband makes a product that we don't make in the UK. The most they could do is move to Europe - but he'd have to find a job, learn the language... all kinds of hurdles. Then I'd still have visa issues, getting into a different country.

Do you see what I'm trying to say?

I'd take your situation in a heart beat. To know that my future with the love of my life isn't "if" it's "when". God, that would be a dream come true. If I knew that I only had to wait a few years and then we could *definitely* live together... I'd be the happiest woman on Earth.

Hold onto the light during the hard times. You will make it through and when you do, it will all have been worth it.

Of course... if I've gotten this wrong and you guys are also having to deal with major time difference, giant airfare, visa issues, potential of not living together in the future... I can empathise. All you can do is keep laughing together, keep smiling and keep hoping.

Number one piece of advice? When you leave each other, give yourself three days to mope. After that - no more moping. Every time you start to feel down, do something. Start a hobby, clean the house... do anything to get your mind off it. Live with a positive attitude and know that all you can do is be patient. Good things come to those who wait.
Me: 32f, evolving

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha

Last edited by sparklepop; 06-22-2013 at 02:57 PM.
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