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Old 06-21-2013, 03:15 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 88
Default Obviously struck an irritating nerve rant

In my opinion whether he followed the exact letter of what he said or what you said is a lame argument. You discussed some activity and rather than refrain, it sounds like he ran to do it immediately. He could have just said, "NO I don't agree to that limitation" at the time you discussed it and let you deal with the fact that you can't limit his relationship beforehand. Instead he acted like the activity wasn't important enough to fight that battle today and off you both went. I felt his statement was actually more encompassing than agreeing to not do it in front of you. I wouldn't expect to have to hear someone expressly say they promised not to do it to think that "Don't worry, I don't need to do it" meant we don't even need to get in to the details of how I will or won't do it, I just don't need to go anywhere near that activity today.

Honestly my boyfriend and I get in to crap like this all the time and we both do it when we know we aren't really right and the fall out is days or weeks of sitting around having to pick each word precisely like its life or death and its miserable.

For example we could sit here and argue that if he did it while you were both at the same location, in such a fashion that you and your other bf KNEW he was doing it, does that meet the definition of being "in front of you?" You were aware, you bore witness it some way or you wouldn't have known he did it. Arguing about minutiae like that just doesn't feel loving to me. What is the harm in both of you saying well I guess its possible we didn't understand each other, apologize and move on. Then you learn the lesson of what you can expect from him, which is to not accept limitations on his behavior with her.

Saying that you should have been more specific is a no-win effort. You can never be specific enough to make sure that someone looking for a loophole won't find one. He could have been more specific by saying no. Instead he possibly gave some response technically vague enough that he could argue its meaning later or just took advantage of that after the fact. Who knows. If anyone is going to blame the language you could be equally at fault. Ultimately who cares who was lingustically closer to right or wrong if you've hurt someone you care about by accident.
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