OK...im trying to follow you. just for my sake of reading this, lets say you didnt want him giving her oral. you said, brian i dont want you giving her oral tonight because im uncomfortable. THen he went ahead and gave it to her anyway, yes?
Here is my take on the situation....Hubs and I have rules ( i ask that he not give oral at all, unless ive agreed to the particular woman) that are pretty much encompassing of all situations, but when it comes to the nitty gritty you can not run the other persons relationship. If my boyfriend said to me, Kitten...spouse and i are in a fight, and she doesnt want me sleeping with you this weekend on our time together, i'd be pretty upset that their relationship had just imposed a "new" and "one time effect" rule on our relationship. I DO hear what youre saying, but Im also not in total agreement wtih you for asking in the first place (and im sorry, because I do have compassion that you were in a tough spot)
We got into a bit of a scuff the otehr night where i mentioned my BF and oral (this is an actual thing, i was just making an example for you) and mmy spouse was like, "wait a minute...you dont like me doing that to people!" i was surprised, and said oh...well true but you never said you would prefer I did not recieve either. Miscommunication. But my main point is, you can not dictate their relationship, you can only make ground rules about your and his comfort and let them do their own thing. (in my thinking)
keep on keeping on