Originally Posted by london
See, honestly, in this particular circumstance,i think she just has to deal with the hurt or whatever. I don't think it's reasonable to keep going on and on about how arduous this is but that's because I believe that poly shouldn't be hard work. If you have to really work that hard at it and it causes you that much problems, it probably isn't for you. Sometimes, especially in poly relationships, people work far to hard at making something futile work. So whilst I agree letting go and trusting doesn't happen all at once, I don't think there is much anyone can do for the type of insecurity the OP feels. It's a personal thing.
In my experience, all relationships take a certain amount of work. The exception is the short-lived, casual, no complications type.
I've heard of a small handful of couples who have been married 30 years and never had an argument. By and large, humans have different needs and desires and it will always take work to work that out. Add more people, you're bound to add more work.