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Old 06-20-2013, 07:13 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I'm not very regular at this blog thing.

[follow up to the last post, CBF just last week told me a story about telling his boss 'who I am' - and used every possible name except 'ex-gf'. I think he's clear on the concept, I do; but because we're still friends, he, and, sadly, his mom, are a wee bit confused on the concept of not-the-girlfriend-anymore.]

Okay, I feel the need to confess. Declare, maybe more likely. I did confess to TGIG, and that just made me want to say it more. Wondering if there's anyone here who might understand this.

Went to see Carmen (it's my third time to see this performance from The Met, and my fourth Carmen (saw it at La Scala last week)). Elena Garanca is the diva who did what I hadn't considered could be done to me. I'm not given to star worship, or even generally, crushes. But this Carmen, I want to BE her, I want to TAKE her, and I want to be TAKEN by her. I have often experienced one of these three feelings for real people I know, or actors, or characters. But I can't recall ever experiencing all three for one person.

I am so not butch. I have moments I'm inspired to butch-ish acts. But I'm just not. Spent a fair amount of time in therapy working that out (stupid people have spent a lot of time telling me I'm butch, or too butch, because they don't know what to do with a woman who knows, speaks, and follows her own mind). But every now and then, there are women (and I've had few moments with some men), who just make me want to grab them by the hair and throw them down and make them quiver. This Carmen is one.

But I think mostly I want to be her. Not the getting murdered part, obviously. But her sheer delight at snatching life out of very thin air. Her defiance of others' wills for her. Her acceptance of fate, while still living her life. And holy crap, she's gorgeous.
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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