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Old 06-19-2013, 09:09 PM
Wifeto2 Wifeto2 is offline
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[QUOTE=london;210671]You firstly just have to let go and trust. When things improve for all of you, that will

I was thinking that, just hard for me to say the words

Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Letting go and trusting doesn't always happen in the same action, BTW. Sometimes it's more like letting go, feeling hurt, discussing and working through the hurt, and eventually coming to a place of trust when you see, repeatedly, that you can.

You won't be able to know how to trust, though, if you don't risk it being broken. Good luck.
thank you. I have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
See, honestly, in this particular circumstance,i think she just has to deal with the hurt or whatever. I don't think it's reasonable to keep going on and on about how arduous this is but that's because I believe that poly shouldn't be hard work. If you have to really work that hard at it and it causes you that much problems, it probably isn't for you. Sometimes, especially in poly relationships, people work far to hard at making something futile work. So whilst I agree letting go and trusting doesn't happen all at once, I don't think there is much anyone can do for the type of insecurity the OP feels. It's a personal thing.
thats wht I m thinking

Quote:
Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
So in otherwords he's actually trying to keep things equal with the sex rule by not having sex with you without her present because the fact that you both need to be there in order for her to be sexual with either of you basically is putting her in a position of a sex toy.

Like everyone has said, let them have sex without you (and you have sex with her and not have him present) and you'll probably have a husband who wants to have sex with you again.

Otherwise you might lose BOTH your husband and your girlfriend if you can't get rid of that rule.
thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Yes, please get rid of the arbitrary rules, that only serve to put your girlfriend in an extremely awkward, and almost certainly unwanted, situation. It's good to have rules and boundaries, but maybe think of why you have them before you set them up?

For example, the no cum rule? What the hell for? And the no sex with just her and you, and her and him, makes it sound like you are (in fact you rather admitted as much) insecure with YOUR and HIS relationship.

And, if that is truly the case, then it isn't fair to lead your girlfriend on with the idea that you will truly care for her, and be happy for her relationship with him. She'll only end up getting pushed out, or feel like she's pushed you out, if it comes to that. Don't do that, please.
thank u

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
@Wifeto2:

Why don't you make a point of making date nights for each of you as a couple? Not only might that help you and your husband with your own relationship, it'll probably be good for you to have some personal time, while the two of them go off? Same goes for him and for her.
thank u. I m having them go out for an afternoon date on sat. They r going shopping for her. I can't wait to see wht comes back.

i want to thank everyone for their input. I really appreciate it. I took a shower and let myself feel every emotion I had. Gf and I talked. I cried and took comfort in her being there. But I told her that it was ok with me for them to have sex without me. She said she didn't want to if I wasn't ok with it. I told her it was ok with me. I just needed her and dh to be patient with me and my feelings but I wanted her to be happy with dh. Then I had a convo with him. I threw him for loop saying they could. We have spent the rest of the communicating. I think getting my feelings out about it and talking through it helped. I am no longer crying when i think about it. im not jumping up and diwn for joy but i want them to be happy too. It is still going to take work but I think we are going in the right direction.
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