Desperately seeking guidance (open to all to help please)
Hello everyone it has been awhile since my last post and I have a very serious concern/question. I am having trouble being satisfied intimately with my primary partner. Now the thing is also I am not HIS primary. To him I am equal to the rest of his partners. I respect that and appreciate his honesty with this whole relationship but I feel that his is interrupting my "mojo" with him. I use to feel complete with him. Our sex life was always great! I never had a complaint to this magnitude and am frustrated and very sad.
To add he has expressed wanting to have children with each of them and we already have two of our own. We were technically not "living" together for a long stretch of time (that is when he made his other connections when he kept telling ME he was working on OUR future) but anyway! LOL and now my kids have their father, a big beautiful home, everything runs pretty smooth for the household but I am afraid that as my relationship hurts because of our status my children will eventually hurt too because of the kids and the husrt going around them!
I don't want to hurt my children and I don't want to feel used! (sorry i brought up two topics in one, let me stick to my initial concern) Sex is more about unity, love, and feeling as one together, atleast to me it always has been and I don't feel connected like that anymore. Our relationship use to feel so sweet and now I feel like an obligation. I actually feel like HE feels obligated with each of us and that makes me sad for him and each of us. I don't think bringing more kids to the equation is a good idea at the moment and I feel no one is really prepared for the HUGE change that that will bring!
My relationship with him just HIM is not the same. I get along with the girls fine I find them each very attractive and as people I think they are great intelligent sould that have much to offer the world. I am grateful, although sad at times, that he has them because they have made him happy. I am sad because I feel I could be the "perfect" woman for HIM and I am restricted to love and act the way I want. I have told him about my sexual frustration with im and that I have even wanted to have sex with the girls too which has also frustrated me! We hae participated all together once and from what I hear the two girls have been together on their own as well.
The girls shared a "relationship" for some time so I feel that helps contribute to their closeness more and even more with him because they have all shared a roof longer and more consecutive than I have. I ahve also spoken to the one girl about all this that I feel more comfortable with speaking to. I have received positive feedback verbally but actions definitely speak volumes! Having sex with him feels like its on a schedule and I don't like that. I want to be able to do IT whenever wherever I want and especially in OUR bedroom which WE barely EVER get to do!!
They I AM SURE take advantage of the fact that my work hours are on times that they each have alone time with him sooooo they get to do it wherever however and that pisses me OFF! UGH! I dont want to feel this sh*t anymore I want to fulfill my own desires somehow but am so lost and confused as to how I know I am blabbering but I am just letting it all out and I am praying to hear as many pieces of advice as possible! Thank you for your time. God Bless! Namaste to all