Dominant/submissive relationships are not an excuse for everything. Even if this was a D/s relationship, so what? Anyone can leave any relationship, regardless of whether they are kinky, vanilla, or whatever. I am so done with people answering threads where there is just weird abusive shit going on with, "But is this a D/s relationship?" as if that explains it all and makes it okay to birth children, and fuck with their minds like a cult. Fuck D/s. D/s can kiss my ass. If it has a problem with that, tell it to PM me and I'll give it my cell phone number and we can talk in real-time.
Yes, I am expected to contribute my income to household bills. I get a weekly allowance.
I am an American citizen, not here under a green card. I was born in this country.
I just don't know if these ppl really love me, or if they are just using me to provide them with the children she can't have.
I don't have a good relationship with my family, so leaning on them isn't a probable solution. I grew up in foster care, as did my siblings. We know our parents, but have no contact with them anymore. My siblings and I aren't close. So that's why I say options are limited.
BG, I agree wholeheartedly. I am not into D/s. Shit does nothing for me. Some people abuse the hell out of it and take it outside of the bedroom. One member on here said her boyfriend/fiance/husband or someone made her promise not to have sex with anyone else. Despite being poly. Another was cheating on his wife, and she posted on here about how he brought the woman home and told her to train the woman. I do not have time for that.
Kitty said it was not a D/s situation a few pages back, or in the other thread. To me, this sounds abusive, despite Kitty saying it is not. When someone says stuff like, "I do not have the option," red flags start waving. Are they going to drug her and impregnate her? She always has the option to get on or stay on birth control, or say no to sex.
Kitty is 29, or something like that, so by no means is she an impressionable naive teenager or something. I am wondering whose idea it was to start TTC. It sounds like something the couple cooked up, and Kitty is their unfortunate victim.
My job is a minimum-wage job. Yes, I am expected to contribute my income to household bills. I get a weekly allowance. I am an American citizen and not here under a green card, I was born in this country. I just don't know if these ppl really love me, or if they are just using me to provide them with the children she can't have. I don't have a good relationship with my family, so leaning on them isn't a probable solution. I grew up in foster care...
I doubt that they love you. I would not give all of my income to household bills. Whether you want to believe it or not, that is a form of abuse and control. They want you to be dependent upon them, and you are. You are not close to your family, and you give all of your income to the household. They have you right where they want you: vulnerable and dependent.
I would never ask someone to bear a child and tell them that their flesh and blood could not call them Mum. It sounds like they are using you to have the children she cannot. I am assuming she is infertile, or has a hard time carrying pregnancies to full term. When it comes to children, people will do anything. That is why there is a black market for babies. People do steal babies, pass them off as their own, or sell them to the highest bidders. It happens more often than not.
I would not have a child for this couple. If you want children, that is fine. If you do it for or with them, you are going to get burned or hurt. If you have to wonder if they love you, they probably do not.
Thank you. I have not read all of her posts, so I missed what happened. They do want Kitty for her uterus. She said they want to start TTC. Never mind what she wants.
A lot of the time I feel like if I state my thoughts I am made to feel like they see them as wrong or dumb.
I sometimes feel as though when we cuddle and talk, things are going to get better, but then they make some comment like the baby not calling me Mommy.
I agree wholeheartedly. I am not into D/s. Shit does nothing for me. Some people abuse the hell out of it and take it outside of the bedroom. One member on here said her boyfriend made her promise not to have sex with anyone else, despite being poly. Another was cheating on his wife, and she posted on here about how he brought the woman home and told her to train the woman. I do not have time for that.
I don't have anything against it, but I think it's overrated as an excuse for bullshit from all sides. If a person posts anything negative or critical, or suggests something might be unhealthy or unhappy or unfair, and it gets made known that there's D/s somewhere in there, there are always at least one or two people who fixate on that and get all uppity about how D/s is so misunderstood and it's who people really are and this is not just sex-in-the-bedroom-role-play, it's SRS BSNS, this D/s Master/slave stuff, and non-kinky people can't POSSIBLY give any useful advice because they have no clue.
Pfeh.
When someone says stuff like, "I do not have the option," red flags start waving. Are they going to drug her and impregnate her?
This is the thing. I don't know why Kitty is asking strangers on the internet for permission to have a kid with a partner of her own choice and raise her own kid. The GOVERNMENT allows that. Who the hell are these people? They want another kid, but they can't afford to buy one, so they find a 30-year old who doesn't know any better?
I'm trying to imagine how bad my life would have to be in order to regard this kind of arrangement as a vast improvement.
It reminds me of that novel "The Handmaid's Tale" It's set in the future, where young single women are required to have sex with rich married men so their infertile wives can have babies to raise, or something like that. I haven't read it, but it gets talked about a lot on the child-free forums.
I am sorry you are made to feel "less than" and not valued.
I still cannot tell the "volume" over there, but it definitely doesn't sound happy for you. You don't deserve to be treated poorly.
Do plan your escape. Google "safety plan" to help you arrange the things you need to arrange. Maybe it doesn't all apply in your case, but it helps get things organized. http://www.speakoutloud.net could help too. You could check the tactics with a highlighter to better articulate to yourself the things you are experiencing.
I hope you are safe enough while you plan how to get out, for your long-term safety and well-being.
It reminds me of that novel "The Handmaid's Tale." It's set in the future, where young single women are required to have sex with rich married men so their infertile wives can have babies to raise.
That is pretty much the story. They also made a film in 1990, starring the late Natasha Richardson as the handmaid, and Faye Dunaway as the wife. Mags already mentioned the Sarah/Hagar vibe. That features in the novel/film, too.
Okay. I wasn't sure if I was over-simplifying or not. I didn't bother to go refresh my memory via wiki or google. Now that you mention it, I recall there being talk about the movie on those other forums too.
And IIRC, the story was set in a future in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where I work. I mean, I work in Cambridge, not in the future. At least, not that far into the future. I do plan on keeping my job for a while yet.
I feel like if I state my thoughts I am made to feel like they see them as wrong or dumb.
I sometimes feel as though when we cuddle and talk, things are going to get better. But then they make some comment like the baby not calling me Mommy.
I know others have told you this, but it bears repeating-- this is classic control/manipulation behavior. You are providing your income to help support the house; you take care of the household; they give in to (some of) your needs when they want to; they lead you to believe that your own opinions (that they don't agree with) are wrong or foolish.
Here's what you can do. Your life. Your body. Your choice. Not theirs:
You can refuse to have a baby with these people. Your body. Your right to not have sex, your right to use birth control with or without their consent.
You can withhold your paycheck, or take a portion to create a nest egg. What are they going to do? Kick you out?
You can leave and bring your paycheck with you. Investigate options, even if your pride has to take a hit and you have to check into a shelter.
My sister recently found herself homeless, in Oklahoma (where the shelters are full from tornado victims), with her job on hiatus until next week. She has other strikes against her, as well, but she is finding housing, getting state assistance, and looking forward to getting her job back. It can be done.
You do not have to live in a relationship that asks you to stuff yourself in a box because what you believe or want is different from what the others want. I've been there. It sucks to keep being told that you are selfish for being yourself (as in my case). It slowly and surely eats away at your self-esteem.
Do your self-respect some good. Do something right and healthy for yourself, before there is a child to worry about. There are resources out there. Please use them.
Also, what does it mean when they are being affectionate and cuddling with me and bringing me breakfast in bed and things? I am home, sicker than sick today. I just don't get how their moods change. It confuses me.
Also, what does it mean when they are being affectionate and cuddling with me and bringing me breakfast in bed and things? I am home, sicker than sick today. I just don't get how their moods change, and it confuses me.
They do those things because it's cheaper than hiring a surrogate uterus through the usual channels. They have you paying them instead. And you also allow yourself to provide sexual services to them at no extra cost. Or do you pay them for sex by the hour? At first I assumed it was included with room and board.
What does it mean when they are being affectionate and cuddling with me, bringing me breakfast in bed and things? I am sick today. I just don't get how their moods change...
