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Old 06-18-2013, 03:13 PM
onoma onoma is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
I don't doubt that she loves you.
I do...

I don't doubt that you love her. But you two each want something fundamentally different. She wants to be your one and only. Nothing wrong with wanting to have that type of relationship. However, that is not the type of relationship that you want. So the basis of the relationship between you is that you are both doing all of this manipulative shit in order to get the other to fit into the mold you have each designed for the other.
Except I'm not. I thought we could be together until she leaves the city, which is what she claimed she wanted too in lieu of a permanent relationship. I get that things have changed for her, the biological clock is ticking louder... but then she needs to let go.

I've tried breaking up with her, and it just doesn't take. I just get guilt trips about leaving her alone when she's feeling bad, or she didn't get to spend enough time with her dog (dog lives with me because her hip displaysia and arthritis make the stairs to the g/f's apartment too difficult.) Eventually she works her way back in, I try to act like her friend, she cuddles up to me and keeps my hopes up... and the cycle repeats.

I shudder to think of a baby being brought into this unstable situation.
I guess I had hoped the fighting would stop if she were happy. Probably a vain hope, but I was basically broken down by all of this. I feel like if we'd just had a clean break I'd have healed and moved on, instead she insists on spending all our time together and keeping me wanting.

Granted, I should just be strong enough to "lay down the law" and tell her I need space and stick to it. I guess it's called co-dependence for a reason right?
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