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Old 06-17-2013, 04:32 PM
onoma onoma is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78
Default Isn't this poly behavior?

I'll try to keep this short... basically I realized I was poly a couple years ago. My girlfriend, my first real girlfriend ever, was not happy about that development. We stayed together monogamously anyway, because she was in a bad place in her life and I still loved her and figured the rest could wait. The plan was to break up when she was ready to move on.

It's been two years since we decided that. A few months ago we got into a big fight, and basically she cut me off from sex. For almost two months she kept acting like we'd be having sex soon, she was just wasn't over the fight. Then a few weeks ago she claimed that she doesn't want to have sex, claiming she believes sex should only happen in the context of a relationship with a future.

Now, since then she still treats me basically like a boyfriend. Lots of "love yous," hugging, kissing at night and cuddling on the couch.

But something interesting came up over the weekend: Apparently she had dates lined up, and was starting to look for a new relationship. She was also planning to start having one-night stands in order to just get pregnant on her own.

So... if she's in love with me but dating to find someone else, let alone having sex with other people, isn't that kind of a polyamorous behavior?

The other thing bothering me is she wasn't planning on any sex with me. So maybe she's mono only in terms of sex itself? Or, and I've suspected this for a while, she just wants me to marry her so she can be married... rather than because she really thinks I'm "the one."

So figured I'd get some interpretations from you guys. It just seems odd to me, for a monogamous person to cuddle up on the couch with me, tell me she loves me, then go out on a date.

Last edited by onoma; 06-17-2013 at 05:01 PM.
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