Last night, within one hour, I had
- cuddled with Ren and reminisced a little about the Awesome Sex we'd had the night before
- exchanged emails with C. about the possibility of doing a little photo shoot this weekend - we are both pretty good amateur photographers, and it's been always a dream of mine to have someone I trust take beautiful naked pictures (or pics in nice underwear) of me. He was enthusiastic about the idea
I think it will be fun to do something together that is erotic and sexy but not necessarily about having sex.
- exchanged messages and kinky pics that I found online with MrBrown, and discussed exploring our boundaries, things we could do in our next session, showing each other images of things we would like to do.
I do have a very nice life
Also, feeling pretty relaxed about C at the moment. We stopped doing the messaging thing where you can see when one has last been online and it has made a huge difference. We talked on the phone on Friday, a nice long conversation where I updated him about the situation with my dad, he updated me about some stuff that's going on with him. Other that that we've been sending like one email a day. I am no longer obsessed with what he's doing and why he is not contacting me. There is definitely a lot more distance, also emotionally - but since I wasn't getting the emotional closeness that I wanted, I think this is good.
We'll be spending the weekend together. I am looking forward to it. Part of me is still sad about what I no longer have, and the things I dreamed about having with him. But only time will tell if what there is left, will be enough to maintain a committed relationship. At least I am no longer anxious, upset and terribly sad all the time... so, much has changed for the better.
Ren is traveling with Lou next week, and I have fun dates lined up - BGuy is coming over for what will hopefully be great sex, and Knight is coming over for dinner and hopefully cuddles - although I would be fine just giving him dinner, he hasn't been to my house in 18 months, we always meet in bars, and it will be very nice and relaxed to have him in my home.
Family situation still very sad and stressful and it doesn't look like it will change anytime soon. Trying to take care of myself as best I can, through connecting with my friends and loved ones, sharing my story, and having fun while I can.