Conundrum of a Lifetime - help!
Tips, support, advice...whatever you have to give, I could use it right about now.
To spare you a novel, I'll put my situation in a nutshell (as much as I can):
- Over the last several years, I've come to realize that I am polyamorous, both by nature and desire. I know this without any doubt.
-About 6 months ago, I fell very deeply in love with a friend through work. I did not cheat on my husband, but the connection I had with this other man was so intense and undeniable, that though I still deeply loved my husband, I knew I would have to come out soon. (I'd had other loves throughout my marriage, but nothing like this connection.)
- A couple of months ago I came out to my husband (monogamous) of nearly 6 years. He and I have 2 sweet children together, 3 & 4 years old. It was a shock that was handled with much love and understanding. In the process of discussion, my husband asked about my friend and found out that I do have strong feelings for my other love. This added layers of complication and was not how I intended things to go.
- Over 2 months of more communication, love, and acceptance than I knew possible between 2 humans, my husband determined that he is solidly monogamous, and though completely in love with each other, we determined together that it would be best to separate in order to gain clarity. Not divorce, but separate and remain open to any changes either of us may go through in the future. The door remains open. This is much easier said than done, my husband is in graduate school and finances are very tight. We also are very emotionally close to one another and our priority is to be good parents to our children. There is much to figure out. We'll live together for the rest of the summer than separate in early September, before the next term starts. We have already begun seeing a therapist about how to best help the children adjust to these massive life changes in the smoothest possible way. I am also seeing my own therapist and my husband is seeing his own.
- Once my husband and I decided to officially separate, we agreed it was a natural time for me to begin seeing my other love. We were both very much at peace with the decision. Communication has stayed at an all time high, between all 3 parties (though my husband and my other love do not communicate much yet).
- In the last several weeks my husband has gone back and forth between feeling very strongly monogamous, and wanting to pursue a multi-family polyamorous relationship with me. I grant him his process in whatever way he needs it. I would love to have a multi family situation. I wouldn't have otherwise come out to him.
- *And* to add the final layer of emotional intensity to all of this, I may be pregnant with my new partner's child.
I am new to all of this, things are moving at warp speed and if I'm being really honest, I've really no clue how to process or handle any of this. Poly is new to all parties involved in this situation. I would be so grateful for any support or advice.